not a fan...

Today's church service was entitled "not a fan". It's been a while since we have been to church so I wasn't exactly sure where this "not a fan" message was going right away. It was apparently the last of a three-service series so not having any of the messages from former weeks, I really thought I'd be lost.

I won't go into great detail because I could never give the message as well as the pastor did, but the over all message is that we have made the cross comfortable and we avoid weakness. I'll cover this as a two part-er.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me." -Luke 9:23

We've made the cross comfortable. In this scripture, it doesn't say, "he can make the choice to take up his cross or well, if he wants he can let it sit that day- maybe he's tired." It says must. That's not a word that we do well with nowadays. We like to have the options. We like to be comfortable. As I write this, I'm sitting in my heated home, Dr Pepper opened, on my cooshy couch. It's pretty nice but sometimes we need to do things that aren't so comfy.

We use the cross as jewelry and symbols on a daily basis. (This isn't a bad thing.) But in the first century, right after the death of Jesus, the cross was looked at a sign of weakness and vulnerability...crime even. It's what they used to kill "criminals". Now we look at the cross as a sign of religious freedom and fashion. If we were to bring someone from the first century here, they would think we were all crazy for the crosses that we have displayed on holidays and on church walls. It would be like us traveling forward in time 2000 years and people wearing electric chair earrings. We'd think they were all crazy people.

This part of the message wasn't meant to offend or tell people that they are being rude with having a cross around their neck. (I wear my cross necklace everyday) What it was trying to convey is that the symbol has changed to be comfortable. Morphed into a symbol of remembrance and devotion, however, some wear the symbols even though the devotion isn't 100%. We are comfortable. We tend to bubble wrap the cross to make it a bit more comfortable for "us to bear".

Have you ever said that? "That's our cross to bear" We use that cliche as a term of "well that's life and we gotta do what we gotta do." I don't really think that was how Jesus felt when bearing the cross and being crucified for our sins. But as I said, this symbol has changed. God has allowed us to see that this symbol is a representation of his love for us and that although we didn't deserve it, he sacrificed for us. That he loves us...unconditionally. What he did for the cross- changed it is such a way- he can do for us.

That leads me into the second part.

"Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men."  -I Corinthians 1:25

"Fans retain control and reject discomfort; followers admit weakness and embrace sacrifice." That was the quote from the service today. At first, I was really confused. Weakness? What does that have to do with the cross? I don't get it.

Taking you back to the last section- he loves us unconditionally. Including our weaknesses... We're never proud of weaknesses, right? I don't go to people and say "hey, I really am terrible at making and keeping friendships." Or, "I don't devote nearly enough time to my family as I do my job." No one says that.

When we go to job interviews, you always get that question. "Well, what are your weaknesses?" We never say, "well ya know, I really hate getting up early. I'd rather be able to come to work in pj's, and I will NEVER work on Mondays." We'd never get a job that way. We view weaknesses as weaknesses. When could we ever use our weaknesses as strengths?

God sees our weaknesses, accepts them, and challenges us to admit them, embrace them, and use them. God's weaknesses are stronger than us and we need to know that.

This really got me to thinking. Followers admit weakness and embrace sacrifice. I have weaknesses. None that I'm proud of...or I'd be announcing them to the world. However, today I'll admit one of the most embarrassing weaknesses that I have...

If you've been reading this year, you know that one of my resolutions is to be better with my finances. (you can see the original blog here) That's because I am awful at managing my finances and have put myself in debt. (not sure what you were expecting but this isn't easy for me to disclose)

I'm sure you are all thinking- we all have debt- and I agree. I know we all have bills and find ways to make it work, but I'm not happy with the way I've spent my money over the last 5-6 years. I'll give you rough estimates on numbers- only because, as I write this, I'm shaking from embarrassment. I feel like I should have known better...

Not counting the house...there's about $33,000 in debt. Between student loans and graduate school loans, credit cards, and whatnot...that's what I'm looking at.

It may not seem like a lot to some, but to me, it's a major issue. We want to move and have more kids- debt doesn't reduce or disappear when adding to it. It's frustrating for me to see things like this when I know I did it to myself. And what's worse, is that dealing with the weakness tastes like I'm eating poison. It makes my stomach flip. I imagine a lot of people feel that way when doing something they desperately want to ignore...usually a weakness that they are trying to face.

So today, in church, this feeling of "I don't like this weakness talk" made me a bit queasy. But, I now know that I need to admit the spending and budgeting weakness I have and embrace the sacrifice. At this point, I'm doing everything I can do to figure out the best ways to become debt free. There are spreadsheets and books and websites... I am not using my credit cards for anything at all. I have not made any personal purchases this year. I want to know how to reduce our grocery bill. I changed our cable set up to be less channels and less money. I "redid" our insurance policy to bring that number down. And every last penny I have is going to pay of credit card 1. Do you have other suggestions? The usual problem is that the solutions cost money. (not sure how that logic makes sense but...ok?) At this point, I'm humbly asking for solid solutions as to how to begin this long process. I want to get these paid off and get things together.

On a side note, thank you for listening. I "wasn't a fan" of writing this today but I had to let you all know where I'm at. Thank you for reading.