When I graduated from MU, I moved home and was teaching at a local high school. Although I was making good money, I couldn't wait to move away. Maybe it was because Noah lived elsewhere or maybe I just thought that's what I needed to do to grow up and start a new chapter. Either way, I was so looking forward to moving away.
Now that I have, been away, I can say wholeheartedly, I miss the small town.
I went to a market today and the whole setting made me miss my small town. It reminded me of Sunny Way. The times that Shey and I used to go with grandma or mom and they would buy chicken gizzards...gross. Still think it's totally gross. I miss the Milky Way- quite possibly the greasiest "diner" you'll ever see but their burger baskets are awesome. Oh, and the brownie delights...(I'm cleaning up the droll now.)
Or the town fests they have when they shut down the whole town for crafts that you already have and food that is terrible for you. The only reason you go is to see the people that you don't see any other time.
Or the parades they have for every holiday and the fact that they run the parade in each town on the same day. I marched in those parades as a teen and I miss going to them. Wrapping up in a big blanket and watching all the bands and classic cars.
Or the giant yard to have fun and fires in. I miss having a yard. I wish Ayden could just run around behind our house and throw a ball with Mac. And at night, we would make a fire and roast marshmallows.
I miss all of these things...I miss the small town life.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
How does He do it- think on these things...
It's that time of year again....
School time.
As a teacher, I work non-stop until June 11th (or so) and when that time comes, I remove my watch, read an actual book, hang out with and teach my own child, and actually go to the bathroom when I want. All of these things are about to stop. And I don't care who you are or how much you love teaching, when those K-Mart and Old Navy ads for "back to school" layaway start, you cringe! I have literally walked through WalMart with my hand over my eyes so that I don't have to see the "Dollar Deals" they have on notebooks, post-its, pencils, and highlighters.
No teacher really LOVES and counts down until they can spend every minute worrying about that kid that doesn't talk or when they can review all their IEP's...no teacher likes that. Even last week, I started getting headaches, just thinking about all the stuff I need to do.
If you know me, you know that I am not a very "laid back" person. I admit it. I'm a narotic, OCD, crazy, hyperactive worrier. I am a teacher that takes it home. I know I shouldn't but I don't do a job for the money...obviously, I'm a teacher. I genuinely want to help all students grow into the people they should be to make it through this crazy world. I want to teach them things. I want to help them in their lives. I want them to know that I'm there for them. And unfortunately, I don't know how to do that and not think about all of my students when I leave. I care about my "kids" and that doesn't stop at 2:45pm. As much as I wish I could do that. I worry...
Today, in church, we had a different pastor. Well he's not different but he doesn't always do the services so he's new to me. Dan is the starter of Gateway and is not one to tip toe around feelings. He is more than happy to tell you exactly what the Word says and what we need to be doing, himself included. Today was no different.
Dan read Philippians 4:1-8... I particularly love this passage because it really speaks to me.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Two things hit me with that:
1. 4:6: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. I worry. I've said that many times before. I tend to get very worried and think about things that never end up happening. Dan read a study that had been done by a psychiatrist about people and how they worry. In this study he found out that 40% of the things we worry about never end up happening. 20% of the things we worry about are in the past. Only about 8% of the things we worry about are worth it. 8%!!! Can you imagine how liberating it would be to be able to weed through the things we worry about and know which ones are worth it? But through this, through God, we don't have to worry. (Also see 1 Peter 5:7 or Mathew 6:34)
2. 4:8: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. I know this verse from way back but it has taken on different meanings now. As some teachers get more and more years, we can become cynical, mean, and negative. I was warned about this by my student teaching co-op and didn't know that it could be this bad. It's easy to fall into that trap of being negative too. It happens very easily. You look up to older teachers for encouragement and find negativity as well. Last year was a very negative year for me and I really didn't like where I was or how I was with the students. This passage speaks to me because we become what we think and say. If what I'm thinking or saying only negativity, what can I expect to happen? This will be my guide to positivity.
So here's to a good year...think on these things.
School time.
As a teacher, I work non-stop until June 11th (or so) and when that time comes, I remove my watch, read an actual book, hang out with and teach my own child, and actually go to the bathroom when I want. All of these things are about to stop. And I don't care who you are or how much you love teaching, when those K-Mart and Old Navy ads for "back to school" layaway start, you cringe! I have literally walked through WalMart with my hand over my eyes so that I don't have to see the "Dollar Deals" they have on notebooks, post-its, pencils, and highlighters.
No teacher really LOVES and counts down until they can spend every minute worrying about that kid that doesn't talk or when they can review all their IEP's...no teacher likes that. Even last week, I started getting headaches, just thinking about all the stuff I need to do.
If you know me, you know that I am not a very "laid back" person. I admit it. I'm a narotic, OCD, crazy, hyperactive worrier. I am a teacher that takes it home. I know I shouldn't but I don't do a job for the money...obviously, I'm a teacher. I genuinely want to help all students grow into the people they should be to make it through this crazy world. I want to teach them things. I want to help them in their lives. I want them to know that I'm there for them. And unfortunately, I don't know how to do that and not think about all of my students when I leave. I care about my "kids" and that doesn't stop at 2:45pm. As much as I wish I could do that. I worry...
Today, in church, we had a different pastor. Well he's not different but he doesn't always do the services so he's new to me. Dan is the starter of Gateway and is not one to tip toe around feelings. He is more than happy to tell you exactly what the Word says and what we need to be doing, himself included. Today was no different.
Dan read Philippians 4:1-8... I particularly love this passage because it really speaks to me.
Closing Appeal for Steadfastness and Unity
4 Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!
2 I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. 3 Yes,
and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have
contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and
the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.
Final Exhortations
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Two things hit me with that:
1. 4:6: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. I worry. I've said that many times before. I tend to get very worried and think about things that never end up happening. Dan read a study that had been done by a psychiatrist about people and how they worry. In this study he found out that 40% of the things we worry about never end up happening. 20% of the things we worry about are in the past. Only about 8% of the things we worry about are worth it. 8%!!! Can you imagine how liberating it would be to be able to weed through the things we worry about and know which ones are worth it? But through this, through God, we don't have to worry. (Also see 1 Peter 5:7 or Mathew 6:34)
2. 4:8: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. I know this verse from way back but it has taken on different meanings now. As some teachers get more and more years, we can become cynical, mean, and negative. I was warned about this by my student teaching co-op and didn't know that it could be this bad. It's easy to fall into that trap of being negative too. It happens very easily. You look up to older teachers for encouragement and find negativity as well. Last year was a very negative year for me and I really didn't like where I was or how I was with the students. This passage speaks to me because we become what we think and say. If what I'm thinking or saying only negativity, what can I expect to happen? This will be my guide to positivity.
So here's to a good year...think on these things.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
The Dance...12 years later
Today will always be a somewhat challenging day. Even after this amount of time, I haven't been able to explain to others why it still strikes a chord but I can only say to them "I'm okay, just remembering."
Twelve years ago today, Kenny was taken from this life. Kenny was a very close high school friend and after graduation, we started dating. Call it first love syndrome or whatever but that was the end of it for both of us. We planned to be together forever. God had other plans in mind.
Even after all this time, I still remember August 1st, 2001 like it was yesterday. I can walk you through my every move that day until the point of finding out that Kenny was gone. The days/weeks after that are very blurry and I still find things out that I didn't know happened before. Either way, that was the first death that hit me hard and stays with me today.
I'm not writing to say about how hard it was or is. I could never explain to someone that's never been there how truly difficult it really is. The sick feeling you get the first morning after you hear the news just praying it's been a terrible nightmare. The hopeless feeling that sits in the pit of your stomach knowing there were so many other things to do. No words can be used to describe the feeling of losing someone that you deeply love. It's the worst pain that doesn't go away with any medicine or treatment.
What I'm writing to say is that I learned from it...from Kenny. Now, I've changed quite a bit in the past 12 years and I'm sure some of his messages to me have gotten a bit twisted but there are things that have stuck in my thick skull.
1. Don't take life too seriously. I remember a time in high school, only a few weeks left before graduation and Kenny was walking the halls. I'm not sure exactly what he was doing at the time but either way, he was caught. A young and pretty teacher was going to write him up and she was very angry with him. So what else would you do but propose to the cute teacher in the middle of the hallway? Yep, he did. And of course, in true Kenny fashion, it backfired and he got into more trouble. I know that really "crushed his spirit" in school but he didn't let it get him down. He was a goof and enjoyed making people laugh in any way they can. I'm sure "Meghan" looks back now, remembers that story and laughs.
2. Show love with energy. Kenny was a very caring guy. He was able to make friends with just about anyone and have as much energy as they had. One time, we were in the mall with my mom and sister. Mom, being the mini-mayor of Chambersburg, ran into someone she knew that had two young boys with him. They started talking and the boys were getting restless. Kenny just jumped right in and was pushing the boys around in their stroller, keeping them busy for as long as it took for the parents to chat with my mom. He never thought to treat them like he was older or more mature, he had no problem just adjusting to their level and catering to what they needed. Not to mention the favorite picture of him at a family birthday party. Chels on one knee and Gordon on the other. Their party hats are on their faces like duck bills. Who knows why? Just because he could.
3. "Garth Brooks was a wise man". This is what Kenny wrote to me in our last real letter. See, we didn't have fancy methods of communicating back in the day. We wrote notes. On paper. With pen or pencil. And then folded them up in the craziest ways that I still remember how to do. Then put them in someone's locker for them to get who knows how long after. And I wouldn't trade those notes for a million bucks. In Kenny's last letter, he wrote the lyrics to "The Dance" by Garth Brooks. Shocked me because Kenny wasn't really a country fan but the words still reign true to me today.
"I guess I didnt' know, the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives, are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I'da had to miss, the dance..."
That song still gives me chills and makes me remember that I'm still here for a reason. There is something else I'm here to do and although there will be pain when I go, I would have had to miss this wonderful life to miss the pain. Just like him. It was very painful to deal with him being taken and I didn't know how to deal with that. But I would have to give up all those wonderful moments to miss this pain. And I wouldn't give this memory of him away. He was a wonderful man and is missed all the time. Love you 56.
Twelve years ago today, Kenny was taken from this life. Kenny was a very close high school friend and after graduation, we started dating. Call it first love syndrome or whatever but that was the end of it for both of us. We planned to be together forever. God had other plans in mind.
Even after all this time, I still remember August 1st, 2001 like it was yesterday. I can walk you through my every move that day until the point of finding out that Kenny was gone. The days/weeks after that are very blurry and I still find things out that I didn't know happened before. Either way, that was the first death that hit me hard and stays with me today.
I'm not writing to say about how hard it was or is. I could never explain to someone that's never been there how truly difficult it really is. The sick feeling you get the first morning after you hear the news just praying it's been a terrible nightmare. The hopeless feeling that sits in the pit of your stomach knowing there were so many other things to do. No words can be used to describe the feeling of losing someone that you deeply love. It's the worst pain that doesn't go away with any medicine or treatment.
What I'm writing to say is that I learned from it...from Kenny. Now, I've changed quite a bit in the past 12 years and I'm sure some of his messages to me have gotten a bit twisted but there are things that have stuck in my thick skull.
1. Don't take life too seriously. I remember a time in high school, only a few weeks left before graduation and Kenny was walking the halls. I'm not sure exactly what he was doing at the time but either way, he was caught. A young and pretty teacher was going to write him up and she was very angry with him. So what else would you do but propose to the cute teacher in the middle of the hallway? Yep, he did. And of course, in true Kenny fashion, it backfired and he got into more trouble. I know that really "crushed his spirit" in school but he didn't let it get him down. He was a goof and enjoyed making people laugh in any way they can. I'm sure "Meghan" looks back now, remembers that story and laughs.
2. Show love with energy. Kenny was a very caring guy. He was able to make friends with just about anyone and have as much energy as they had. One time, we were in the mall with my mom and sister. Mom, being the mini-mayor of Chambersburg, ran into someone she knew that had two young boys with him. They started talking and the boys were getting restless. Kenny just jumped right in and was pushing the boys around in their stroller, keeping them busy for as long as it took for the parents to chat with my mom. He never thought to treat them like he was older or more mature, he had no problem just adjusting to their level and catering to what they needed. Not to mention the favorite picture of him at a family birthday party. Chels on one knee and Gordon on the other. Their party hats are on their faces like duck bills. Who knows why? Just because he could.
3. "Garth Brooks was a wise man". This is what Kenny wrote to me in our last real letter. See, we didn't have fancy methods of communicating back in the day. We wrote notes. On paper. With pen or pencil. And then folded them up in the craziest ways that I still remember how to do. Then put them in someone's locker for them to get who knows how long after. And I wouldn't trade those notes for a million bucks. In Kenny's last letter, he wrote the lyrics to "The Dance" by Garth Brooks. Shocked me because Kenny wasn't really a country fan but the words still reign true to me today.
"I guess I didnt' know, the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives, are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I'da had to miss, the dance..."
That song still gives me chills and makes me remember that I'm still here for a reason. There is something else I'm here to do and although there will be pain when I go, I would have had to miss this wonderful life to miss the pain. Just like him. It was very painful to deal with him being taken and I didn't know how to deal with that. But I would have to give up all those wonderful moments to miss this pain. And I wouldn't give this memory of him away. He was a wonderful man and is missed all the time. Love you 56.
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