My day for my son 11-22-11

Last pregnant picture- morning of 11-22-11

5:00 am- This is my normal wake up time so Mac Dawg and I got up, went downstairs, he went to pee and got fed. Normally, I'd continue to get ready for school but I knew I didn't have to call the hospital until 7:30 so I got back into bed and laid there wondering how my day would go.

6:00 am- I'm still awake, laying in bed and petting Mac Dawg (who is completely passed out- like Noah). All I could think about was how it would never be just the three of us again.

7:28 am- Time to call the hospital. I have to say I was a bit nervous because I didn't want to be pushed to Wednesday due to no availability but I was also very nervous about possibly having a baby by the end of the day. When I called the hospital, sure enough, they had availability and to be there by 8:30 am. WOW! Time to get ready and get in the car.

8:25 am- The weather is awful (rainy and wet) and if you know anything about Chester County, you know that people can't drive if it's wet outside. So of course, we are stuck in traffic on Route 30 because someone had a flat tire. No I'm not kidding. Literally, we were down to one lane. Insane!

8:35 am- Noah and I realize that in our "wisdom" of taking the "back way" we are completely lost and don't have the address of the hospital programmed into the Garmin. Thank goodness for iPhone!

8:40 am- We finally arrive at the hospital and I go into registration. After a few minutes of paperwork, we are on our way to Labor and Delivery to be induced.

9:30 am- I'm in my room and given my IV. At this point I'm getting really nervous- not totally sure why. It's not like there was any way of turning back now and I honestly couldn't wait to have the baby but everything is moving very quickly. Dr. Akins came in and checked me to see where we should begin for induction.

10:08 am- The best possible solution for me to be induced was Pitocin. That was put into my IV and I figured I would have to wait for quite a while for anything to happen. Time to wait.

10:12 am- I'm already bored. Time to wait Back to the Future on the ipad.

10:57 am- Nothing is really happening at this point so my nurse, Rebecca, comes in and pumps up the Pitocin. Back to the ipad.

11:47 am- So because things are still going fairly slowly, Dr. Akins breaks my water and tells me that I'm dilated to 4cm.

12:52 pm- Another bump of Pitocin...I'm starting to feel things at this point. Even Bill Cosby can't make me laugh. (Literally, I was watching his stand up and when contractions came on- NO WAY!)

2:01 pm- I felt like a bit of a wussy but I couldn't relax at all anymore. I was in a lot of pain and because I was on Pitocin my contractions weren't very regular. They would spike very quickly and have 2-3 fast contractions- meaning there was NO downtime at all for me to breathe and relax. And yes the Anesthesiologist is my favorite kind of doctor.

2:23 pm- At this point it's time for me to be checked again. I really didn't know what to expect as far as dilation because I had been in so much pain. Turns out I was dilated to 9 cm!! My nurse said that I could have had him without the epidural, and maybe I would have had I known I was already at 9 cm but in all honesty- I'm happy with the way it went.

4:00 pm- At this point, the epidural slowed the contractions down a bit. Not that I minded but then Rebecca told me it was time to push. I knew it would take a bit longer due to the epidural but I wasn't feeling a lot so I didn't mind.

6:14 pm- Ayden Robert Austin joins the world weighing 8lbs 1.2oz, measuring 20 3/4 inches. So after a few hours of waiting and 2 hours of some very exhausting pushing, we had our baby. Noah and I couldn't be happier or prouder of our little guy for doing such a wonderful job.

Happy birthday to our wonderful and amazing son, Ayden. We love you more than anything in the world.

Mommy loves you...

A letter to my son...

To my dearest baby boy,

I remember being a teenager, thinking of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. There were visions of college, houses, marriage, family traditions and trips, and you. Of all of those things, being a mom was the most important thing on my list. I felt that I was meant to be a mother- put on this Earth for one purpose. As I got older, I realized that there would need to be certain things happen before I could meet you. I wanted to provide you with so many things- a safe home, patience, stability, security, love, and an amazing father. Your father and I have made this home for you and filled it with love. We can't wait to share our lives with you and teach you so many things.

I know I haven't met you yet but I feel as though I already know you- you've certainly made an impression already. Carrying you with me for the past months has been one of the most exciting times of my life. Feeling you move, worrying about you, hearing your heartbeat, seeing you at doctor's appointment, preparing your room and even washing your clothes has been such a great time for me. Needless to say, I'm beyond excited to meet you, hold you, care for you, and most importantly love you with everything I have.

I often find myself "spacing out" and daydreaming about what you will look like, what silly things you will do (I'm sure you'll take after your father in the humor category), who you will become, what struggles you will face, what changes you will make in this world, and so many other things. I've never been in a situation in which I know that a person has so much possibility and nothing standing in his or her way. In this case, it's you. You can be and do anything. It's a clean slate and you have all the possibilities and capabilities in the world. Know that I will be there to support you, help you, guide you, discipline you when needed, and love you no matter what your choices. I will be there to catch you if you mess up because it's bound to happen but I will also be there to share in your joys- because those are bound to happen much more frequently.

You have already made such an impact in my life. Thank you for the opportunity to be your mother. I'm sure I won't be perfect by any means. There will be times in which I will say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, and make you very angry; but know that I love you more than words could ever express. I may not be perfect but I will always strive to be the best mother that I can possibly be- to provide you with good examples and teach you right from wrong. I feel very blessed to be your mother and I want you to know that you are truly a gift to me and our family.

I love you with all my heart and I know that you will forever change my life in ways that you cannot imagine. Know that I will do anything for you...Hope to see you soon.

With more love than you can imagine,
Your mother

Fall is my favorite...

Each year, I constantly (and patiently) wait for Autumn to come. I am amazed each year how much I look forward to fall and how much I love this season. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all the seasons but I specifically enjoy Autumn for so many reasons. Between the leaves changing colors, to the chilly weather where you have to wear a sweater, to the fun things there are to do at this time of year, I LOVE this season.

I know it's not everyone's favorite. I understand that some people look at Autumn as the season where everything is dying and it can be dreary but let me share with you just some of my favorite Fall time things. Maybe you'll find something fun for Fall. Also, if you have any favorites that I missed, please let me know! I'd love to soak up as much of this season as I possibly can!

1. Back to School season- I know that school technically starts in the August/September time range but back to school means new wardrobe, new school supplies, Fall sports, and all the excitement of starting with a clean slate.

2. All the pretty colors- There is something that just makes me happy about orange, red, yellow, purple, and black. I love to see those colors together and frankly the Fall leaves are amazing in our area. Just seeing all the leaves changing is beautiful to me.

3. Chilly weather- I LOVE wearing sweaters and having to "bundle" up just a little to go outside. Don't get me wrong, I don't like wearing a ton of layers but I enjoy having to wear scarves and maybe a pair of gloves with a cute sweater. It's also the best sleeping weather. Turn off the AC and open the windows. It makes for those mornings when you just don't want to get out of bed because it's so nice and warm where you are. LOVE it!

4. Fun Fall activities- I remember in high school having barn parties and hay mazes...those fond memories haven't been forgotten and I miss those times. Now that I'm older, I still enjoy corn mazes, pumpkin patches, and haunted houses that come with the Fall season. I love that people go with their families (in their sweaters) to pick out pumpkins, walk through the mazes, or have the every loving crap scared out of them. I don't know of any other season that has so many fun activities.

Noah and Mac carving away

5. All the fantastic smells- Yes I know...it may be crazy but I LOVE the Fall smells. Some of my favorites are pumpkin pie, apple cake (I'll include a fantastic recipe later), apple cider, Bath and Body Works Pumpkin Caramel Latte soap (trust me- it's awesome), all the cinnamon that people seem to use in decorations and food, and Yankee Candle Autumn Leaves and Mountain Lodge. These are the best smells and just make me relax. I know it may be crazy but some of these smells just make my day better.

6. Halloween and Thanksgiving- These two holidays are by far my favorites. I always love to pass out candy to the adorable kids in my development, dress Mac Dawg up as whatever he is willing to wear that night, and eat the candy that I tend to stash for myself. :-) I don't usually dress up because I know I'm not going anywhere but I'm very excited in the upcoming years to dress my family up in some crazy outfit and walk around the neighborhood saying "Trick or Treat"! Thanksgiving is also a favorite holiday. I enjoy having people over and making the food that will make everyone pass out afterwards, not to mention all of the football games. Ya gotta love those boys of fall...

Noah's Painting Skills

7. New nail tricks- I know this one may not apply to everyone but I have a new favorite and it's going very well this Fall. (In fact, for this pic, I have my hubby to thank) I have completely fallen for OPI Shatter Nail Polish. My wonderful mother bought me the blue and black shatter colors, so in true Halloween fashion, I painted my nails orange and black. (Well Noah painted for me) I couldn't help but remark that my toes looked like witch's toes- not that I've ever seen witch's toes but it's what I imagine witch's toes would look like. I just love the fact that my toes are so festive.

All in all, I just love Fall. I have actually tried to figure out where in the world we could move to have Fall all year round...turns out- nowhere. :-(  I suppose that's ok for me. Fall is a season that I truly enjoy and I'll try to soak up every minute I possibly can while it's here.


ps. Here is the easiest Apple Cake recipe ever! Enjoy!

Mix 1 cup oil, 2 cups sugar, 2 eggs- Beat until creamy.
Add: 1 tsp. cinnamon, 2 1/2 cups flour, 2 tsp. baking powder, 1 tsp. baking soda, and 1 tsp. salt.
Mix well. Fold in 3 cups chopped apples and 1 cup nuts (optional). Place mixture in your baking dish and put 1- 12 oz. bag of chocolate chips on top. Bake at 350 for 50-60 minutes. Cool and enjoy!

Happy Fall everyone!

Trash the Dress Shots- 2009 

That's your choice to make...

*Warning: This post is a bit of a vent so bare with me.

After being pregnant for 37 weeks, I can honestly say that I'm thrilled with my choice to become a parent. Yes, I know that my life will never be the same. Trust me...no really, I get it. I am well aware that my sleeping patterns, finances, social life, marriage, and many other things will forever be changed due to my personal choice to conceive, be pregnant, and keep this child. I have already made sacrifices that some may not understand. No, I haven't had an alcoholic drink since January 1st. No, I don't dye my hair anymore due to the chemicals. No, I don't eat raw sushi. No, I can't spend the money on a lavish vacation or outrageous clothes. No, I can't stay up super late anymore. No, I don't feel comfortable going to a dance club or bar with this giant belly. No, I don't currently have an office of my own because it has become a baby nursery. No, I can't fit any of my clothes that I used to be able to wear. No, my body will never look the way it did before. And most importantly, NO I DON'T REGRET MY DECISION!

Excuse my passion but I want to make something clear. To become a parent is a very special and personal choice. Just like NOT wanting to be a parent is a special and personal choice. I understand that people may not comprehend my choice but I do wish people would respect it. Just like I respect their choice to NOT become a parent. I can, at times, be judgmental but this is one opinion that I can honestly say I have NEVER judged anyone on. I truly feel that it is not my place to tell people whether or not they should or should not have children. I have never tried to convince anyone that doesn't want children that they should nor will I ever do that. To become or not become a parent is your choice and I will forever respect that- if you change your mind or not.

The only thing I ask is to keep your snide remarks to yourself about being pregnant or becoming a parent. I am having a great time being pregnant and preparing for our new addition. We are thrilled to become parents. That being said, I don't appreciate hearing how you think pregnancy is weird and gross; or that children are boring, naggy little brats; or that you would never have children because you truly enjoy life; or that my life will suddenly no longer be enriched because of a study that was recently done. I'm excited to have "pointless and random" conversations with my son about whatever goes through his imaginative brain. I'm excited to watch him grow and learn new things. I'm thrilled to know that I am carrying the love that Noah and I share and that soon he will be here to give us his love too. So despite your passionate feelings about children, can you at least keep your nay-saying to yourself...you're killing my buzz.

It's the little things...

• waxes my car
• offers to paint my toenails- now that I can't see them
• makes me BBQ chicken on the grill with veggies
• AND makes me chocolate lava cakes with homemade vanilla ice cream
• vacuums the part of the house that I HATE vacuuming
• takes out the trash so I don't have to
• helps me calm down when I see this "HUGE" problem that really isn't that huge
• helps me calm down when the problem really is huge
• empties the dishwasher
• buys me flowers just because- maybe he's in a program
• works extra jobs to help with money- so I can stay with the baby longer
• always gets me a card from Mac Dawg on any occasion and actually has Mac "sign" with his paw print
• unloads the car after a trip
• goes grocery shopping with me- and brings in the groceries...and puts them away
• pushes the cart when he go grocery shopping
• rips all of our dvd's so I have something to watch when I'm up all night with the baby
• helps me work on the budget for my school year
• helps me solve problems on a daily basis
• makes me laugh harder than anyone else
• protects me
• thinks about me- even when I don't know it
• rubs my back- even when he doesn't want to
• rubs my feet- again, even when he doesn't want to
• helps me wrap gifts
• makes dinner on a very regular basis
• provides for our family
• puts up with my crap on a consistent basis
• gives me those "I love you so much" looks
• sings to me, the baby, and Mac Dawg
• takes care of our little family by working extremely hard
• loves our puppy and plays fetch with him when I don't want to
• tells our unborn son how special he is already
• tells me how beautiful I am- even when I don't feel it
• kisses me goodnight...every night
• and so many more things...

These are only a few things that my husband does for me on a regular basis that let me know he loves me more than ever. I am a very lucky girl and only wish that I could show him the same amount of love in return. 

Where are yours?

Many have the responsibility of going to work each day for the entire year. As a teacher, I do have a "down" period, in which things seem to slow a bit and I'm not so rushed. That time is over. With every coming school year, I feel myself tensing and getting amped up for another go at the planning, grading, phone calls, planning, work load, planning, case load of students, budgets, planning, cleaning, talking, decision making, and planning... did I mention planning? :-) Due to me being such a OCD-like planner, I'm constantly surprised that no matter how much time I put into getting ready, I've always have something that comes up and needs to be altered. This is the life of a teacher.

But I'm not writing about teaching tonight. Tonight, I'm writing about priorities. I know, I'm getting there...be patient.

The reason I start with all that information about teaching is because it seems that each year, even though I tell myself I won't, I make my job a priority. Priority is a word I'm using lightly at this time. For instance...

This weekend, because of Labor Day, was a three day weekend for us. Friday night, I came home and got to finally relax after getting sick my first week and realizing that NONE of my shoes truly fit my swollen feet anymore. (This was after I did my weekly vacuuming and cleaning of the house). Saturday, my parents  came down for the day and we went around town running errands. Sunday, Noah and I had to go grocery shopping and then to a fantastic BBQ with friends. And today, we finally got a small chance to sleep in then go to my mother-in-law's house for a picnic. Sounds lovely right? It was...except one thing.

My mind wasn't with my friends and family this weekend at all- it was with work. (See where I'm going with the priority thing?)

I've come to realize that although my job "slows" down at some points, I never really stop thinking about work. As soon as I wake up, I think of students that are giving me a rough time, or the student that just doesn't get it, or what I'm going to plan for tomorrow, how I'm going to incorporate all the standards and benchmarks, how I'm going to challenge my cherubs...wait! There I go again! Talking about school.

My point is that although I care about my job and I truly want to do the best job I can as a teacher, my priorities seem to get all mixed up as soon as the school year is in full swing. This isn't something I'm proud of...at all.

So here goes! I want to (publicly) rearrange my priorities and get them where they should be.

1. My wonderful husband, Noah. He, of all people, understands how draining and time consuming teaching can be but when the school year begins, he's the first to get shut down and sometimes even the cold shoulder. This isn't fair in any way. He helps me with any struggles I have at work and is always there for me. I need to make sure that he is my first and foremost priority- even with school going on. I honestly could do nothing without him.

2. My family- baby, Mac, Heckman's, Austin's. They also are extremely understanding about my schedule with teaching and how time consuming it can be. However, in the "slow" time of my work, I have no problem contacting my parents and having conversations with them. When school starts, it's like I'm suddenly unavailable for chatting and only call them when I need something important. Again, not fair and certainly not fun for anyone. I will make the effort to contact my family members more often, even if I have "work" to be done.

3. My fabulous friends- I have some amazing friends. Whether I've known you since grade school (LC-B), or we met in college (EC, JD, TT, HG, SB, AW, omg and so many many more), or I've worked with you (CW, SH, SC, EC, CL)- you are all very important to me. I'm not the best at cultivating friendships and I tend to fall out of touch with people but these people have been there for me in one way or another. I forget that even though I'm working, I still need to make time for my friends. Thank you all for putting up with my craziness.

4. My house/car- Yes, I know this is probably a weird one but I was always taught to take care of my belongings and the things that I work hard for. I mean what's the point in working that hard for something that just gets trashed all the time and never taken care of?!

5. Myself- I enjoy doing little hobbies (scrapbooking, sewing, photography, watching trashy reality tv, and doing yoga). I need to keep up with that. I never thought it would matter when I was growing up but I realize more and more each day that you can only enjoy things like that if you DO them. So that is another goal of mine: take time to do the things I enjoy doing.

Now here is my challenge to you. Figure out where your priorities lay. In my five listed above, do you see anywhere in there to be at school by 5:30 am and work until 10 pm? Or be the best teacher in the entire school? Or to master the art of challenging the youth of today? No, you didn't. Please don't misunderstand me. I still want to be a great teacher but in all reality, it's just a job. I need to make sure I'm taking care of myself and the people/things around me that I care about WAY more. I hope you can find the time to do the same for you and yours...

Back to school...

Each summer comes to an end, which always means school is starting up. Also, with each year, teachers gear up for yet another promising year to inspire and educate the youth of America. I am such a teacher. Although I don't usually get much of a vacation, I plan out what I will teach the first week, what I'll wear to put my "best foot forward", and what kinds of students I'll have that will make my year either easier...or harder.

This year, I have to say, I'm not as excited. Don't get me wrong I'm glad to get back in the swing of things but I find myself completely preoccupied with other things in my life. Managing all of those "things" is going to be the biggest challenge. How do I be a great wife, mom, and teacher? And I'm sure I'm not the only one...

More than that, I see how little our job is related to inspiring and educating the youth of America. I originally got into teaching to do just that. Inspire and teach. I remember having great teachers that enjoyed teaching, thus prompting me to enjoy learning. I also remember having teachers that, over time, didn't enjoy teaching due to the "politics". In fact, I remember my junior year Spanish teacher, Ms. McKee. I was so excited to tell her that I had found my calling. I wanted to be a teacher. I didn't know exactly what kind of teacher at the time but I remember being very excited about the prospects of joining the elite group of teachers. I will never forget her response to me. "That's great! Teaching is a good job to have." Needless to say, I was a little let down by her reaction. "It's a "good" job? Why is it just a good job?", I asked. She looked straight at me and said "just the politics". At the time, I really had no idea what she meant. I'm starting my 7th year of teaching and now I understand all too well.

Like I said, I started into teaching to help the students I had in class, inspire people, educate on whatever the subject- be it school stuff, time management, respect, or just life. I had passion for it! Even in student teaching, there were days I'd leave school thinking, "This is what I was meant to do." As time as progressed, the politics of my job made me lose that passion.

Teachers have become "lower class", "babysitters", "paper pushers", and flat out disrespected. People (some people) don't look at teachers as the people that care for their students when mom and dad can't. Some people give snide remarks about how nice it must be to have summers off. Some people look at us as having very easy jobs, even when we don't judge anyone else's profession. We are looked down upon by politicians and pigeon-holed into certain duties that do not help us do our actual job. And no, I don't know many teachers that got into the profession for the money, summers off, or for a carefree, "make your own schedule" kind of job. I know teachers that got into teaching to help students- with many things. I know teachers that genuinely want to inspire and challenge our children. But rather than being given the freedom to challenge and inspire, we're told to "push the student through". We are expected to teach 30 kids in one classroom for 45 minutes- all of whom have different learning styles, needs, and abilities. We are expected to teach the students the curriculum, how to be an appropriate citizen, respect, and anything else that may come across as a new "buzz word" on Capitol Hill. We are expected to handle budgeting and working with NO money provided for our classrooms. (Yes last year I spent around $3000 of my own money to get my students doing the curriculum based projects.) We are also expected to take class and further our own educations...all while updating grades within a certain time frame, meeting the needs of any IEP or GIEP student, contacting parents, evaluating and assessing students abilities, meeting benchmarks and standards, bringing everyone to proficient or advanced on state tests, and so much more.

Our job has been changed to the point that we can't do what each teacher genuinely wants to do...TEACH.

Am I complaining about my profession? Yes a little bit, but please don't misunderstand my purpose. I truly do love my job. I love being in the classroom and seeing that student struggle and then finally "get it". It's a great feeling to know that I've taught someone something that they will carry with them through life. What I'm complaining about is all the "politics" of teaching that hinder good people and good teachers from doing what they should be doing...teaching.

So in conclusion, I'd like to ask for everyone, teacher or not, to support the education system. Not the paper pushing and politics. Support the people who truly want to teach students and work very hard (year round) to figure out new ways to do just that...teach.

Getting ahead of the game...

Some of you may know that I'm a scrapbooker. I've always enjoyed scrapbooking, card making, and creating little crafts, and after I graduated from Millersville, I joined Close to my Heart scrapbooking company to sell supplies house to house. Although the business hasn't shown to be very lucrative for me personally, it does supply my addiction.

Now that I'm becoming a momma in November, I wanted to start ahead of time when making the baby's scrapbook. I really wanted to get a good head start on things just to try and keep up. *I mean, we've been married for 3 years and I'm still working on that album.* So when creating the baby's album, I really wanted to make it special and easy to fill in as the time flies by.

I have decided to share my pictures of the album. Because we aren't telling anyone the baby's name, you won't see any names and obviously we are missing a lot of pictures but I have post-its to tell me size of the picture and the subject of those pages. Please feel free to check out what I've done and hope to keep up with as the baby grows up.

Opening Page

Pg Test and Bump Pics

13 Week Ultrasound

19 Week Ultrasound

Baby Room and Shower

First Pics

  

Going Home

First Weeks

Firsts at Home

First Thanksgiving

First Christmas

January 2012

February 2012

March 2012

April 2012

May 2012

June 2012

July 2012

First Beach Trip

August 2012

September 2012

October 2012

November 2012

1st Birthday

1st Birthday/Halloween

December/Christmas 2012

As you can see, I wanted to get ahead. I used primarily Close to my Heart products because I have so much of their stuff. I've put post-its on the album to tell me what size pictures I need, where I need to journal, and if there are any other decorative items that should be included. I will certainly keep everyone updated on any other crafty things I decide to make and will update you on the progress once our little guy shows up.

Now here's my plug for the business...If you like what you see and just don't have the time, I'm more than happy to create a similar layout for you. Send me pictures and choose your papers/colors, I'll gladly create an album custom for you. You can email me, text, call, FB, whatever...I love to do this (in case you couldn't tell) so if I can help you get started, let me know! You can also check out the cool stuff Close to my Heart has to offer at www.closetomyheart.com. Check out the new Cricut cartridges and any new paper you'd like in your album. Hope to talk to you soon!!! Enjoy!

new appreciation for my parents...

*Disclaimer: This isn't a post putting down those that do not want to be parents. That is your personal choice and I completely support your decision to not have children. I, on the other hand, have always wanted children. This is where I am right now and, no matter your feelings on children, you should still appreciate the people that decided to have/keep you.*

With the next few months and the inevitable arrival of my first born, I've taken up a few new "mom" things- some instinctively. Of course my nesting habits have intensified (by 100% as Noah would agree), but beyond that, I've become much more of a "housewife"-- whatever that may mean. For me, it means cleaning until I can't think of anything else to clean, making scrapbooks, learning how to sew (made curtains, a nursing cover, and I'm working on a few rompers for the little guy), planning for the future, saving money on things I'd normally snatch up (even when NOT on sale), and in general being completely consumed with the thought of having the responsibility (and strength) to raise another human being.

In all those changes and whirlwinds, I've grown to have a completely new found appreciation for my parents and the hardest job they could have ever had to do. Looking back over my 28 years, I remember saying SO many times- "I will never be like my parents!" Well I'm happy to say, I was wrong. I am becoming more and more like my parents- in a good way.

My father is the strong, silent type that thinks before he speaks so that he doesn't say something that he will eventually regret. He was the one that when I screwed up only had to say "I'm very disappointed" and my whole world would come crashing down. He's a spiritual role model and cares deeply for his family, even when he doesn't voice it. I remember one time as a child, I had terrible nightmares. An ongoing problem, I woke my parents every night being afraid of whatever I had dreamt about. My father, after multiple nights of no sleep, came to my room with his Bible. Instead of trying to force me to sleep or getting angry with me, he simply read me Bible verses from the book of Psalms. I'm not saying I was "healed" from nightmares or anything but I don't remember ever waking up in the middle of the night again after that night. Those verses are still something I read over for inspiration and reassurance. I find myself hoping to have his strength and willpower to think before speaking and raise my child to know the difference between right and wrong.


My mother is a more vocal person (that's where I get it). I'm not saying this as a bad thing- what I'm saying is that my mother has taught me to speak up for myself. I see my mother as a very strong person. She handles things in such a way that is beyond what I see other people doing. When some people would give up, my mom continues to push through- making a way for things to be better. When we were growing up, I remember my mom "doing it all". She worked a full time job (factory work nonetheless), picked us up from the sitter, came home, made dinner, cleaned the house, took care of us, cleaned up dinner, got us ready for bed, and (I imagine) continued to work after we were asleep. She is super woman. There was nothing she couldn't figure out. If you couldn't get a knot out of your shoelace (which always strikes me as impossible), she did it in a matter of seconds- while making dinner and talking on the phone. When you can't find your retainer first thing in the morning and you've searched high and low- mom goes to your room, lifts your pillow, and there it is! Or when your heart was broken, mom always knew how to comfort you. It is like mom's have an extra sense- not sure what to call it but there never seemed to be something that she couldn't fix. Even now, she is the one I go to when I have a question about something. So far today, I've asked her at least 10 questions about how to cut this pattern, how to cook that meal, etc. I only hope I inherit that extra sense for my children-- and become super woman mom.

By no means am I saying I've always agreed with my parents or even respected them every second. I know that sounds awful but when we are "growing up", we know it all. It isn't until we are older, more mature people that we actually see the sacrifices our parents willingly faced for us- even when we were totally rotten to them. I am already seeing how people change when having a child. Noah and I have always known parenthood would be in our future together. We both know the sacrifices going into the world of parenting- financially, emotionally, physically, etc. I can't explain why specifically we want children, I just know that we love each other so much that we want to start a family. Hopefully someday, our children will be writing about how much they appreciate us and what we were willing to do for them because I am finally seeing how difficult of a job parenting actually is- So thank you mom and dad. There is no way I could ever thank you for everything you've done for me and continue to do. I love you both very much and am very excited for you to be amazing grandparents- just as you were parents to me. Thank you.

In remembrance...

Ten years ago today, I lost a very close friend suddenly. Kenny and I were great friends in high school, skipping class and study hall to walk the hallways and chat, writing notes with song lyrics (mostly Sublime lyrics) back and forth for years. Soon after graduation we became more than just friends. He was one of a kind and certainly a very special person to me. It was a great friendship and relationship that was cut short that summer. After my birthday, he went with friends to the beach and was caught in a rip tide...I will remember the sequence of that day forever.

The weeks following the funeral were a blur and soon I was off to college. Luckily I had a wonderful roomate, Lauren, to help me through the rough times. I'm not totally sure how I made it through those first few years but I will say this, after 10 years, I have finally gotten a little insight into losing someone so special.

Things may not get easier with time but I have figured a few things out. I used to think that if God took him for a reason, that it should be shown to me so I wouldn't be so mad all the time. Turns out I didn't have to be because I had enough right in front of me.

In Kenny's last letter to me, he wrote "Garth Brooks is a smart man. "Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance." Kaylia, I had always had respect for you and credit you for the complete u-turn I made."

At the time, I just thought it was a very sweet letter to write to a good friend and that I would remember how important I was to him for a long time. However, after ten years, I've realized that I am the one that should have thanked him.

Having Kenny taken so suddenly and at such a young age was by far the hardest thing I've had to overcome and continue to battle. He was very special and a great friend, but had I not lost him the way I did, I know I wouldn't have the life I have. Sure, there have been some very tough times with me not wanting to move on, going through therapy to handle issues that were out of hand, and trying to find the courage to move on. But now, after what should seem like a long time, I realize that I couldn't control things then and I need to accept the fact that I was so lucky to the time with him that I did. Had I not had him in my life, I wouldn't know how lucky I truly am.

So thank you Kenny. You are forever missed and loved by so many people. You were very special to many and we will never forget it. So in true K/K tradition, here is those all important song lyrics...

Looking back on the memory of the dance we shared beneath the stars above,

for a moment, all the world was right, how could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?

And now I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance.

Forever missed #56

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in Heaven. 

-Matthew 5:16

Amazing Summer Grilling Meal!!

What an amazing dinner! Noah and I are notorious for making a menu for the month. When we first got married, we would go to the grocery store and literally buy WHATEVER we felt we would need/want. This is problematic for 3 reasons.

1. We spent WAY too much money! Not only were we buying stuff that just "looked" good but we would buy just based on what was "name brand". 
2. We had so much un-used food! We would buy produce that would never get eaten, canned goods that have since expired, and frozen stuff that would get completely freezer burned. What a waste!
3. So much time was wasted. What I mean is that we would spend forever in the grocery store and then when it was time to make dinner, we couldn't decide on what to do. Nothing was ever planned, thus taking forever to decide what to make, making it, cleaning up, and storing leftovers.

What a mess! So the only solution was to plan out what we were going to do each night for mealtime.

Last night, on the menu was Tangy Grilled Chicken. This was a new recipe for us and to say the least I wasn't really excited about cooking and cleaning up and storing leftovers. So the time came that we were both hungry and no leftovers were available so there was no choice but to make this new meal. Am I glad we did? YES!! So here is what we did for dinner.

• Noah grilled eggplant and squash. This is something we had at a friend's house and decided it might go well with our meal. First, he sliced up the squash and eggplant. After putting them into a giant bowl, drizzled EVOO on them and tossed the veggies around. A little salt and pepper and grill time! 
• Uncle Ben's 90 Second Rice!!! This is one of the best inventions ever! The bags of rice may not be the healthiest thing ever but it's a time saver and a huge help. We tried the Whole Grain Medley (Noah was skeptical) and it turned out to be very good.
• Tangy Grilled Chicken

• 4 Chicken breasts
• 4 Tbsp. red wine vinaigrette
• The following are all for the Salad portion:
• 2 cups cucumber, peeled and diced
• 2 cups tomatoes, diced
• 1/4 cup green onion, sliced
• 1/4 cup fresh parsley, chopped
• 3 Tbsp. red wine vinaigrette
• Put chicken and vinaigrette in a zip lock bag, place in refrigerator, and let marinade for at least 30 mins.
• While chicken is marinating, create the salad by combining cucumber, tomatoes, onions, parsley, and vinaigrette in a mixing bowl. Cover and let sit in refrigerator.
• Remove chicken and grill until golden in color and until fully cooked.
• When ready to serve, top with salad.

This entire meal took about 30 minutes to cook (after marinating). Everything was AWESOME!!! I highly recommend this meal to anyone that is looking for a grilling meal and wants to have something that is moderately healthy. Happy grilling! 

The "in your face" bittersweet moment...

To take a break from cleaning topics, I figured I would write about something that is much more meaningful.

Last night, Noah was preparing for his Administration Praxis exam. As he focused, I continued to watch him, my hand on my belly, feeling the baby kick. After he was finished, Mac Dawg jumped up on the couch and we goofed off with our little inside jokes. Mac snuggling between us and the two of us chatting about all kinds of random things. After a little while, there was a short moment of silence. In that moment, it hit me. This bittersweet moment just "smacked" me in the face...things will never be like this again.

Please don't misunderstand me...having a baby was totally in our plan and Noah and I are both beyond thrilled about being parents come November. However, it was in that short silence that I realized that at no point will it be just Noah and I again. Even now a lot of our time (and my brain) is taken up with baby talk- what should go on the registry, the color of the nursery, baby names, day care, baby showers, and plans on traveling...

Having this change in forefront of my mind, I can't help but think about the past few years. Noah and I have been married for three wonderful years and so many amazing memories have been made. I will forever cherish those "alone" moments with my husband- having Family Guy marathons, hanging out with Mac Dawg in the guest bedroom, our hikes and fishing trips, the trip to Jackson Hole, skydiving, and so many more things. I certainly look forward to the future as the mother of his children. I'm only hoping that as a future mommy, I can continue to slow down enough to see my husband the way I currently do. I know time flies so incredibly quickly and I find myself trying to be a sponge to soak up all the memories possible. I love him with all my heart and am so very proud of him.

With all of that "mushy" stuff being said, my resolution is to make time for my husband, even after we are parents. I'm sure many parents are out there getting a kick out of my pledge but I think of it this way... My husband was here first and if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be carrying this miracle. I want to make time with my husband a priority. Don't worry, you are more than welcome to check in on my pledge and see if I'm keeping to my resolution. I won't be offended.

And I still maintain that I am a very lucky woman. I hope everyone has the chance to be as happy as I am.

Battling the Bathroom

So many people are petrified of (or despise) cleaning the bathroom. But for me, it's one of the best rooms to clean. Let's face it, it's a small room! It's so much faster to clean the bathroom than to vacuum the entire house. For those of you that HATE cleaning the bathroom, hopefully these tips can help you get in there, get the job done, and take the "chore" out of cleaning the bathroom.

1. Have a Cleaning Caddy! This is a must for anyone that doesn't have a cleaning service coming to their house. I don't know how people clean without having a little "toolbox" to tote along and house all the goods. This doesn't need to be huge, but it should have all the materials to help you clean. There are also two options. Some people only have one cleaning caddy, while I have two. I have one for our bathrooms (3 bathrooms on 2 different floors) and one for the kitchen- it holds more stuff. Here are the main things I keep in my bathroom caddy: Windex (or mirror cleaner), Scrubbing Bubbles wipes, Clorox toilet bowl cleaner, Tilex, rubber gloves, Kaboom, paper towels, and usually a harsher cleaner. *I'll go over my kitchen caddy later on.

2. Put stuff away as you go. This tip isn't just for the bathroom. I've had to learn that instead of wasting my entire weekend cleaning the house, if I do a little bit at a time, and it lessens the load. Instead of stepping over the piles of dog hair that the baby ripped off of him (and didn't try to eat), pick it up and throw it away. If you get the nail kits out to do your nails (you know, in your free time), when you are finished doing your nails, put the stuff away exactly where it should go. This rule shouldn't be that difficult. I mean we tell our kids to put their toys away...I have even started teaching the dog a command for "clean up". Why wouldn't we follow our own rules? Put stuff away right after you use it. It cuts down on clean time.

3. Check expiration dates. This one doesn't just apply in the kitchen. Expiration dates are put on all kinds of products- especially in the bathroom. *STORY TIME! I have a friend that was going to a festival/concert. He is very fair skinned and wanted to take sunscreen with him but ran out of time to go get some. He decided to just grab whatever was in the bathroom. (It was a bit old but still SPF 40) He was very careful to apply the sunscreen and turned out that he got FRIED! The sunscreen was about two years old and had the opposite effect. Morals of the story: 1. Wear sunscreen to protect against harmful rays. 2. NEVER use expired products. Even makeup and cosmetic items have an expiration- follow them. Even Bath and Body Works stuff gets funky after a certain period of time. Besides the fact that these leftover things can clutter up your bathroom, they can grow bacteria after so long. YUCK! Imagine using a mascara that you've had forever...gross. All kinds of bacteria and germs going so close to your eyes- yikes! Stick with the expiration dates and if you aren't using something, get rid of it. There's no reason to keep that around, in your bathroom, just to take up space and carry germs.

4. Combine bottles. If you shop like my husband tends to, you probably have 4 opened containers of nail polish remover, 3 different shampoos, 8 lotions, and countless bottles of Advil/Tylenol. Noah is notorious for forgetting whether or not we have soaps, shampoos, conditioners, etc. This means we always have a supply, but usually we have a ton of opened bottles and nothing ever gets used up. One big thing I've decided to do to minimize clutter is combine bottles of like materials. Obviously if the shampoos are different brands or scents, you may not want to combine those but nail polish removers, Advil tablets or capsules, rubbing alcohol, Peroxide, cotton swabs, and hand soaps can all be combined. One important thing to remember is that even though you have 4 opened bottles of Advil capsules, CHECK THE EXPIRATION DATES! Always do this first, then combine. *Another side note to this tip: This helps you know what you have and what you need. Most of the time when I'm going through stuff, I notice that I already had contact solution in the closet, even though I just bought two more bottles. This will help keep the clutter down AND save you money in the long run.

5. Do it weekly! This doesn't just go for the bathroom. I know that after I come home from a long day at school, the last thing I want to do is make dinner and vacuum the house, do the laundry, clean the bathrooms, dust, and clean the dog snootches off the windows. So I decided to break things down and do them one day at a time. I wanted to be able to handle all the majors cleaning chores that need to be finished throughout the week. Then I decided to break these "chores" down to once a day. It's important to do what works for you. Here's my schedule for you to use as an example:

• Sunday: I usually try to spend Sunday relaxing and gearing up for the upcoming week. The only thing I may do on Sunday is create the menu for next week. I'll go over this when I get to the kitchen blog.
• Monday: Dust. I really don't enjoy dusting at all BUT it only takes me around 15-20 minutes to do the entire house so I dust on Mondays, which tend to be my busy day of the week and least favorite day. *yes. I always have a case of the Mondays.
• Tuesday: Clean bathrooms. (Thus the Tuesday blog about bathrooms) By clean, I do not mean reorganize. That usually takes more time so I just go through and clean the sinks, toilets, wash mirrors, and wipe down showers (if needed). This usually takes me around 30 minutes to thoroughly clean all 3 bathrooms. 
• Wednesday: Clean windows. Mac LOVES to look out the window but clearly has no idea how long his puppy nose is. By about Tuesday it looks as though he's been trying to write in Chinese on my windows for all the neighbors to see. Cleaning the windows in my house usually takes about 20 minutes and it always looks so much nicer after they are done. The good thing about this day is that if I am running low on time or it's not too bad, I just spot check and clean what needs to be cleaned. ** Product recommendation: Windex is always good for windows but it tends to streak for me. I LOVE Invisible Glass! It never streaks and seems to really get all the dog snootches. **
• Thursday: Vacuum. Living in a 3-floor townhouse, this is my LEAST favorite thing to do but when Noah helps it goes very quickly. We have an upright vacuum for the carpets and a smaller Oreck for the stairs and vinyl floors. We divide and conquer. Noah usually takes the stairs and floors, while I take the upright for carpets. If we really focus we can get this done in about 20-25 minutes. It always goes faster if we remembered to clean up all the other stuff that usually lands on our floors as the week went on. 
• Friday: Steam floors. Once the vacuuming is done, this is always the next thing on the list. Besides the fact that I HATE having a sticky floor, I realize that before I know it I will have a crawling baby. I don't want him crawling around on a dirty kitchen floor. I usually steam the bathrooms, kitchen, sunroom, and foyer. This can be completely done in about 20 minutes, plus I always feel better after the food drops in the kitchen are cleaned off. 
• Saturday: Laundry. I always put laundry off during the week because I know that I'll just have a ton more on the weekends. It's easier for me to focus on laundry on Saturday, unless we have plans or will be going away. If that is the case, I can move laundry around throughout the week. Plus I put laundry to the end of the week so that I can get all of the towels (both bathroom and kitchen) into the laundry without forgetting things.

All in all, that's how I spend my week cleaning. Each day is no more than 30 minutes a day. I find that if I just get right into it after I get home from work, it always gets done. If I come home, plop down on the couch and watch tv, I am wasting time. Let's face it...we can easily spend hours in front of the tube but cleaning our home for 30 minutes is like a bad dentist appointment. Why is that? So while you're already moving from work, come in and get to it. It'll be done quickly and then you can relax...or in most cases, continue to work, make dinner, take care of the kids/dog, etc. A woman's work is never done...we might as well just keep the ball rolling.

Hope these tips help and you can create a schedule for cleaning that you can manage. I'd love to know if you already have a schedule...I'm always willing to adapt. :-) Have a great bathroom cleaning Tuesday!

Nesting...or in my case- PURGING!

Many women may find that while pregnant they feel the need to clean. It seems fairly normal and a part of life. We want to make our home clean and prepared for our future little one. In my case, however, I have always been someone that enjoys a clean house and the cleaning process. I always feel better after my house is cleaned and organized. I find that when I do have the chance (and motivation) to clean or reorganize my home, I enjoy being there. All in all, I've found that when I'm organized, I'm not nearly as stressed. I'm sure I'm not alone.

For me, pregnancy has put me into turbo mode for cleaning and organization. I have the luxury of a "free" summer with time to go through my house and purge superfluous stuff. I certainly wanted to clean and get things together for the future little one but I found that there was just stuff that didn't need to be there. Also, I realized that if I haven't used the item in years, I probably didn't need it.

If organization and cleaning, or purging for that matter, isn't necessarily your "bottle of Windex", I have a few pointers to get you started. I will also be doing a multi-parter going room by room in my house and documenting the progress. Stay tuned!

So here's the first 3 principles:

1. Leave emotion at the door. Yes, you may have spent a fortune on that espresso machine three years ago or maybe your favorite aunt bought you that really nice toaster oven but the fact of the matter is, DO YOU USE IT!? If the answer is no, then why do you have it in your house taking up space? My husband and I live in a townhouse with minimal storage and when we registered for our wedding, we had very generous friends. Granted, we are very blessed to have such amazing friends, but we also had too much stuff that we never opened or used. Going through cabinets and closets, you need to leave the emotion at the door. I realize this may difficult but if you aren't using the item, then are you really honoring the money spent or person that bought it for you? Probably not. So the best thing to do: get rid of it and get it to someone that will (whether selling it or giving it away).

2. Have a game plan! Like any good change, there has to be a plan. You may not have the freedom to work for two weeks straight but there is certainly a way to get your house back in order. I wanted to start with the future baby's room, which was my old office. I had to make the transition to the "man cave". I wanted to go through things as I moved so that I wouldn't have to do it again. Great idea right? Why do the work twice when you could easily do it once? Then I planned my attack of the rest of the house. Each day I would tackle a new obstacle and when I was finished, I was done for the day. Setting the goal of what to get done in one day was very easy to stick with- and it worked.

3. One alligator at a time. Like number 2, I had to realize that I wasn't going to get the whole way through the house in one day. Impossible. And even if it had been possible, I probably wouldn't have done a thorough job. So I decided I would take one room at a time. I obviously started with the office/future nursery, then to the guest bedroom, then the bathroom, then master bedroom, closet (yikes), and moved down the house. I knew that I could have done more than one room at a time, especially the ones that didn't have too much stuff to begin with but I didn't want to burn out and end up not finishing the task at hand. When I finished one room, I turned the lights off and the next day, prepared for a different kind of space. You need a break every now and again, doing one room at a time is totally feasible- especially when there is no need to be Super Woman.

So to sum up, I'd say if you want to start purging or reorganizing your house, it's just that simple. Think about what you want your house to look at by having your plan in mind, leave emotion at the door, and tackle one thing at a time. I'm going to be adding info to these cleaning sessions in the next few days/weeks. Please feel free to follow me along as I take you through some of the messiness of my own house and get how we got organized for our little guy.

His sacrifice

I've always known that Noah is a giving type of person. He wants to make people happy, solve any problems they may be having, and make the situation better. Even in Neville's best man speech at the wedding, he warned me how much Noah would spend on gifts and how he would spoil me over the years. I thought I knew that my husband was the type of person that would do anything to make me happy, but in the past week alone, I've seen a man wanting to make his family priority number one.

This week, I have to admit, I tortured Noah a little. Not on purpose, I assure you. Monday, we got up, went to a doctor appointment (which he hasn't missed one) and then spent four long hours at Babies-R-Us to create the registry. Four hours seems long, and I agree, but if you've ever done a registry, you know four hours is fairly normal. I even went prepared. I didn't want to get sucked into all the fun things we could get that would be a waste of money and it STILL took four hours. Anyway, I expected Noah to be very "blah" and disinterested in the registry because what guy wants to spend four hours looking through breast pumps and diapers? Exactly. But, I have to say, I was happily surprised. He was a rock! I started to get upset about which bed sheet we had to get for the bassinet versus the pack-n-play...Noah, got a store person and had it figured out and on the registry before I could even get worked up. He continually went from one wall to the next with a smile on his face and goal in mind.

Then on Tuesday, we went crib shopping. This may not seem like a stressful time but trust me, choosing a crib that is sturdy, effective, stylish, and fairly inexpensive is no easy task. We went to Baby Supermart in Broomall (highly recommend) and spent around 2-3 hours there just looking and comparing cribs, dressers, and chairs. Again, Noah did all of it with a smile on his face. I was getting overwhelmed (furniture is expensive!) and he just kept going. No negative comments, no whining, only motivation and determination. I have to be honest...I was a little jealous of how well he did it. I was the one acting a little bit like a baby...

As we left, the topic of day care arose to show it's ugly head. (if you think furniture is expensive, try finding a day care) Again, Noah took the conversation in stride. I started to shut down, get frustrated, and worried but he was just thinking. He finally said, "I will do whatever we need to do. I'll work an extra job or do whatever to make this happen. I love you and our little boy." In that moment, I knew things were going to be just fine because all I really need is my wonderful husband and healthy little boy. (and the Mac Dawg)

I'm sure some are reading this, saying to themselves, "well duh! He's the guy and the dad! He SHOULD be sacrificing! All he did walk around and scan things with a gun!" And sure, that's true. However, how easy would be to just shut down, make me do all the work, and do nothing. I have to hand it to my amazing husband and thank him from the bottom of my heart for not only providing for his family financially and emotionally but for doing it willingly. Me, the baby, and Mac are very lucky to have such a wonderful person as the head of our household.

Layettes, T-Shirts, and Bibs! Oh MY!

When Noah and I decided to start trying for a family, there were certainly things that may have slipped our minds. The cost of a child wasn't one of those things. We knew that starting a family would be very pricey and we would need to stick to a more realistic budget in order to make it work. However a few things we didn't necessarily consider were the registry items, how difficult it is to name the unborn, and how to agree on the nursery color/bedding/theme/etc.

I realize these things may seem trivial compared to the birth plan, what if's in delivery, how to parent, and the do's and don'ts of how to raise a human being but, at this time in my pregnancy those are the items plaguing my mind.

First, I had no idea how much stuff there is to choose from in places like Babies-R-Us. Between strollers, travel systems, clothing, bedding, formula vs. breastfeeding, pumps, diapers, wipes, monitors, pacifiers, bottles, wipe warmers, carriers, cribs, toys...is your head spinning yet? Mine is and I've been doing my research! There are so many choices in these super stores! Not only choices but there are also so many things. I had no idea that I would need to register for so much stuff?! And in all reality, do I need the video monitor? Do I need the diaper genie? Do I need a wipe warmer? To be totally honest, my mom didn't have any of that stuff and I turned out mildly normal. (no comments needed :-) )  The registry is a very overwhelming issue for me. I'm excited to do it but (if you know me) I need a project at all times so the registry has been the target of my obsession. Also, I have apparently started nesting. It's not so much nesting but "pitching". I just want to get rid of everything in my house! When standing in my kitchen, I seriously feel as though I should be on a hoarding show. We have so much stuff that we don't use, that I feel needs to go. I'm perplexed by that same issue with the baby registry. I want my little guy to have everything he could need without having to completely clutter my house with useless stuff. I am very lucky to have friends that have given me books and lists of what to get but I'm still wondering how I will fit everything into our modest townhouse.

Second, naming. *Sigh* Noah and I have agreed that because we have shared the sex of our future baby, we will not be sharing the official name until he arrives. We are very excited to still have a little bit of a surprise for our friends and family when the little guy is here. However, we will have to agree on a name before that time comes. When we found out we were having a boy, I was a bit scared. Not because I didn't want a boy. I think if you know me, a boy makes sense for my first child, but because for a girl we had things planned. Nursery color, names, etc...we were prepared. For a boy...nada! We had discussed names but hadn't totally agreed. Of course at that time, we weren't really concerned. Now, me being the OCD posterchild that I am, I am having a silent panic attack about naming our child. I never completely understood how difficult it is! We want to have an original name for our boy. Noah and I both had unusual names growing up and want our children to have the same experience. However, naming my child "ABCDE" (pronounced ab-sid-dee) isn't what I'm looking for. (Edgar, you knew you would be brought into the blog) The problematic last name could be a culprit but we are just making sure that we find a strong and lasting name for our child. I have so much respect for parents that do well naming their children. I tip my hat to you and ask...HOW DID YOU DO IT!?

Lastly, nursery color/theme/bedding. This is very closely related to registry but Noah and I have differing ideas of what the nursery should look like. He wants blue. I want green. He doesn't see the need for a theme...I do. Bedding is just a silly purchase (says many friends) due to SIDS risks. Jury is still out and when we finally do settle on a color/theme/bedding...you will all know.

Overall, these are my current obsessions. Perhaps I'm trying to focus on this so I'm not focused on delivery (yikes) but either way, when I start on something, it needs to be remedied before moving on. Wish me luck!!!