In remembrance...

Ten years ago today, I lost a very close friend suddenly. Kenny and I were great friends in high school, skipping class and study hall to walk the hallways and chat, writing notes with song lyrics (mostly Sublime lyrics) back and forth for years. Soon after graduation we became more than just friends. He was one of a kind and certainly a very special person to me. It was a great friendship and relationship that was cut short that summer. After my birthday, he went with friends to the beach and was caught in a rip tide...I will remember the sequence of that day forever.

The weeks following the funeral were a blur and soon I was off to college. Luckily I had a wonderful roomate, Lauren, to help me through the rough times. I'm not totally sure how I made it through those first few years but I will say this, after 10 years, I have finally gotten a little insight into losing someone so special.

Things may not get easier with time but I have figured a few things out. I used to think that if God took him for a reason, that it should be shown to me so I wouldn't be so mad all the time. Turns out I didn't have to be because I had enough right in front of me.

In Kenny's last letter to me, he wrote "Garth Brooks is a smart man. "Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance." Kaylia, I had always had respect for you and credit you for the complete u-turn I made."

At the time, I just thought it was a very sweet letter to write to a good friend and that I would remember how important I was to him for a long time. However, after ten years, I've realized that I am the one that should have thanked him.

Having Kenny taken so suddenly and at such a young age was by far the hardest thing I've had to overcome and continue to battle. He was very special and a great friend, but had I not lost him the way I did, I know I wouldn't have the life I have. Sure, there have been some very tough times with me not wanting to move on, going through therapy to handle issues that were out of hand, and trying to find the courage to move on. But now, after what should seem like a long time, I realize that I couldn't control things then and I need to accept the fact that I was so lucky to the time with him that I did. Had I not had him in my life, I wouldn't know how lucky I truly am.

So thank you Kenny. You are forever missed and loved by so many people. You were very special to many and we will never forget it. So in true K/K tradition, here is those all important song lyrics...

Looking back on the memory of the dance we shared beneath the stars above,

for a moment, all the world was right, how could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?

And now I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance.

Forever missed #56

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in Heaven. 

-Matthew 5:16